Kanika: Poet. Lover of Words. One who tells the stories of the mundane and inanimate. Bearer of Light, Water, and Sky.
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My first post in over a year. There's no way I can adequately fill you. Not posting to my blog has been purposeful. It was just a bit mentally tasking. The last few months of my life have been challenging. I maxed out on village life. At times I felt burdened by my privilege. I mean that, I wanted to do more to increase quality of life for the community that I have been living with and at the same time I was miserable because I missed the modern amenities that so many of us take for granted. I slipped into a bit of a depression. My anxiety was extremely high. For awhile there, I was really scared about what was happening to me. Things are under control now but I know it's time to move on. I have a handful of ideas of how I can continue to give back to Gambia. I'm going to be in some deep prayer about it all because only God can help me manifest something this big.
I've got 5 books in various stages and I'm determined to get them all out into the world. Gambia gave me my words back. For that, I'm forever grateful. I know now that I didn't have writers block. I was stressed and had too many things obligating my time that I didn't feel passionate about. I'm going to work very hard for that to never happen again.
I am a writer. I am a trainer. I am a teacher.
My career goal is to feed those passions and to learn as much about my crafts as I can. My business is people and I want to continue to be of service.
In a few months, my service will be complete and I will leave my little thatched roof hut and the people of my village. It's bittersweet. Half of the things I hate will also be the things I'll miss. Like the 5am cacophony of roosters crowing, donkeys braying, goats yelling, all on top of passionate singing blasting through the speakers of the mosque calling us all to pray. And the Call to Prayer. My daily reminder of where I am and the only true marker of time I've had in the last two years.
I'm looking forward to buying new things. I've had three new dresses in two years. One of them my fiance bought as a surprise about a year ago. Most of my clothes are thrifted. That's one thing I'm going to take with me though. We don't always need new things. There are some very nice things at thrift shops. I had a dream a few weeks ago that I was buying make-up. I started growing increasingly excited as I realized that I could buy new brushes and products. And then I woke up lol! My feet have seen better days. I think the deluxe spa pedicure is in order. Oh and my back. Yes, my neck and my back. I've already spoken to a masseur in the States about a series of sessions to fix my aching back.
Accepting my privilege is accepting that yes, I like new things while acknowledging that there are people in this world who live in extreme poverty with no access to health care. Just like most of those people, I can't help where I was born and to whom. I can however, chose to live a life a service and to show compassion whenever possible.
According to the stats, about 150 people are coming to this site everyday. That's amazing because I haven't been doing a damn thing with it. So thank you to those of you that are still rocking with me and waiting to see what happens next. I can't make you any promises. The grind is going underground for awhile. But I'm still pushing.